Parents of children with developmental differences
A parent recently highlighted something that stopped me in my tracks. When you parent a child who is developing at a different rate or along a different trajectory to their peers, you rarely receive positive reinforcement from the outside world. Most of society judges our parenting based on the behaviour of our children. When our child sits still, follows the rules, uses their manners, shares their toys, and excels in their learning, we must be great parents. “Your child is lovely. Well done”. “So polite. You are a great mother”. “Wow, they are so good at sport. You are such a great Dad”.
What happens when your child is later to develop and does not yet have the skills to share, make friends, follow the curriculum, kick the ball, or use their manners? When your child is developing along a unique path, not akin to ‘normal’, does that mean you parent less? “Absolutely not”, I hear you explode. Quite the opposite. When your child has unique needs, you most likely find yourselves doing so much more; spending your days at endless appointments and your evenings reading everything in the hope you don’t miss anything that might ‘work’.
To all the parents of children with developmental differences, please do not judge your parenting based on the usual societal standards. They are superficial and meaningless. Some could argue that it is easier to show up day in and day out when you are frequently praised for your efforts. You are showing up, building loving, deep, engaged connections with your child, without endless external validation. Please know this is important and I think this is spectacular.
I see you.
You are doing an amazing job.
You are a great parent.