Guiding light
You can be the guiding light for your child’s development
I remember when I was pregnant with my first child. I marvelled at my baby’s development from week to week - often from day to day, if truth be told. They’ve gone from a blueberry to an avocado! An ear is formed, a limb, lungs. Never did I think I had control over the process. I could try to be as healthy as possible but the rest was out of my hands. I had to trust that Nature had it under control. Nature doesn’t stop operating when our children are born. What happens to this trust? When our children come into this world, we feel an immense feeling of responsibility for their development. But our child’s development is not all up to us. There is still a far greater force at play. We can certainly lay the foundations to help and guide our children, but we must continue to trust.
Trusting in natural childhood development does not mean we hang up our parenting hat and say, ‘They’ll be fine on their own’. Quite the opposite. When you trust in the natural process of development, your intentions change. You stop micromanaging your child’s development. You stop trying to fix and intervene. You stop pushing up against your child’s differences and where they are along their unique path.
Trust allows us to let go of the little things and hold firm in our knowledge of the power of parenting from a place of deep connection and understanding.
It is from this connected place that we lay the fertile foundations for our children to grow and flourish organically. You are the best person to guide your child along their path - at their own pace and without resistance. Your child does not need a developmental ‘expert’ at home. They need safety, love, and a deep connection with you. They need to feel seen and adored for who they are. When we come from a place of trust, we are not pushing up against our children and who they are, and this changes how we feel. Feel into allowing. How do you feel when you allow your child to be, and then guide them to the next step in their development? For me, allowing feels light. I smile and feel supported. Possibilities emerge. Now feel into deficits. How do we feel when we compare our child’s abilities with others, when we focus on the deficits that need fixing? I feel contracted, stressed, and defensive.
How do we guide our child’s development?
When we hold the intention to guide our child’s development from a place of allowing, new ideas of how to support our child will come to us. You might be inspired to make a phonecall or arrange an appointment. New people will come into your life who can help. Only you will know what is the next best step for you and your child. For some families, guiding their child may look like reaching out to a paediatrician or an allied health professional. Other families may decide to begin playgroups or childcare. You are the guiding light for your child’s development. Surround yourself with the right supports, so that you can light the next step for your child.
Even if your child is developing differently to their peers, they do not need weekly appointments with four, five, or even more professionals for ever. I can’t remember reading a research article that recommended that type of therapy schedule. I often wonder if I would cope with the amount of appointments some families have. The answer is always clear. Obviously not. I know I would be stressed and overstimulated. I can’t be the only parent unable to cope with such a rigorous schedule. And I know I don’t parent well when I am stressed. If you are not coping with all of the appointments, chances are neither is your child. Let’s not rob our children with developmental differences the very things that help them develop - loving connections with parents, unhurried play, positive and joyful experiences with those around them.